Chasing Grey

I took a bit of a hiatus from The Modage Cottage to dedicate time to the new and wonderful addition to my family. And what a joy it has been! There have been a few pitfalls and tears along the way – you DO NOT want to mess with a girl going on multiple months of sleepless nights! – but my God, to watch my little guy discover the world in all his innocence…it is something magical.

This blog, however, has become my lifeline. It is my little piece of heaven, where I somehow find the briefest of moments away from my little to carve out time for myself. But I am never truly away from him, am I? Yes, the little devil is in my every thought and you will see a lot of him on this here blog. Greyson, Little Man, Mister, Dude, and the occasional Curmudgeon, we call him a lot of things, but I’m certain he will want to go by Grey once he has his say.

I am constantly amazed how quickly time passes with a babe to entertain you. In fact, I’m convinced babies are a black hole for time! Which is exactly why I find myself chasing Grey, because I don’t want to miss a second of this beautiful life we are building together or forget how quickly he will grow.

But I also don’t want to overlook myself and how I am growing with him. His innocence, his helplessness, and his ingenuous frustrations make me want to be a better person. A more selfless person. A happier and more carefree person.

So this is my story with a fresh perspective. One that embraces motherhood: the joys, the strains, the desperations, and the desires. But most of all, this is a story about love and family and all the little, wonderful things Life has to offer.

Welcome to the new chapter in my life. Welcome to the new and improved Modage Cottage!

In His Hands…(and 1-4/52 Weekly Portraits)

1/52: “To see the world in a grain of sand, to see heaven in a wildflower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour”   -William Blake

I must admit, motherhood is one of the most rewarding yet challenging roles I have ever assumed. Every day is a new experience, every hour is a new demand, and every minute is an absolute delight. There are definitely moments I doubt myself and this enormous responsibility. Many moments, in fact. Raising a child is hard. But at the end of the day, it is also immensely satisfying.

I can’t deny that I have become frustrated at times. There is very little time for myself, for my writing, for this blog, for showers, for the multitude of little things that I would like to do, but then I take one look at his face, his curious, smiling face, and realize that it really isn’t about me anymore. It’s about him, and I’m ok with that.

………………………………………………………………………………………

I recently stumbled across this beautiful blog and immediately knew that like Jodi, and as my son grows right before my eyes, I want to capture as many treasured moments with him as possible.

2/52: I am learning to appreciate the uncertainties of motherhood, but there is one thing that I am certain of: this little guy holds my heart in his hands, for infinity and beyond.

Thus begins my own 52 Project for 2014: a memory keeping (and making!) journey that I hope to look back on year after year with love and bittersweet nostalgia.

I’ll be posting a portrait of the week every Monday and linking up with Practising Simplicity every Sunday going forward. I hope you can join me (and excuse me as I play catch up)!

3/52: “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies” –Aristotle

4/52: “Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one!” – Dr. Seuss

A VERY SPECIAL DAY.

Today is just one of those days in which the world seems to have come together and everything has fallen into its perfect place…

Two years ago today, I married my best friend.

And in these two years we’ve traveled together…

…laughed together, cried together, and had many a drink together…

…snuggled together, played together, and worked out together…

…made a house into a home together and found a new addition to our family together…

…and now, at exactly 4 months today, we are expecting another addition to the family…

A little baby bump!

It’s amazing and thrilling and exciting to have shared in these moments together and to look forward to the many wondrous moments we have ahead.

Of course, the last two years haven’t always been easy – there’s been some heartache, a lot of screaming and yelling (at least on my part…), slamming of doors, and the occasional silent treatment, but it’s been worth every minute of it.

I love you honey – happy anniversary!

HAPPY HUMP DAY! THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE…

Let me start by saying, I love my husband completely, I really do, and I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. We have an amazing story, one that I will happily tell our children all about one day, but it’s also a story that is developing and changing and growing each and every day.

We met in the summer of 2004, he became one of my dearest friends, and we finally took that flying leap out of the Friend Zone in the fall of 2009. We married in the spring of 2011 (where Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds recently married, I must add!) and I haven’t regretted a single moment since (although I’m sure my husband often thinks otherwise!):

My husband is my greatest love, my biggest supporter, and my best friend. But, with all this said, marriage still isn’t easy. In fact, sometimes it’s downright HARD.

When you’re faced with the daily grind, when life feels monotonous and miniscule, when little facets of your relationship become overwhelmed with bickering….sometimes it’s hard to remember why you fell in love in the first place.

You forget that his solidity and modesty are what drew you to him.

You forget that his smile lights up his face and ignites a fire inside your heart.

You forget that his hand, no matter what – in the best of times, in the worst of times – is always reaching out for yours.

You forget that he’s wicked smart.

You forget that he’s been there for you for the better part of your life, and will remain – loyal and honest and loving – there until the end.

You forget that he completes you in the best of ways.

Yes, when the going gets rough, when you feel misunderstood or unheard, when you’re filled with anger and misgivings, you simply forget that your husband isn’t perfect, but he’s amazing just as he is.

I must admit, the first year of marriage hasn’t been an easy one. There’s been some God-awful arguments, tears, a multitude of doubts and insecurities, frustrations, and, of course, the ensuing nagging. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing! We are learning how to fit together – in the best of ways and in the worst of ways. We are learning how to fight for ourselves while fighting for this marriage. We are learning how to pick our battles. We are learning that no matter how bumpy Life gets, we can’t, we won’t, let our relationship fall between the cracks.

I think that’s the hardest part of it all – accepting that this person you love so dearly isn’t going to judge or mislead you; that you needn’t keep your guard up or your pride down. That this person by your side is going to continue to stand by it, even when you’re tired and grumpy, or over-dramatic, or over-zealous, or entirely lazy, and utterly frumpy. Yep, that person is going to look you in the face and still love you.

This is something I need to remember, and remember often: there’s always going to be bad times, but there will be many, many, MANY more good times, and I need to learn to appreciate them all.

Like this…(in Croatia)

And this…(in Belize)

And definitely this…(in Mexico)

As long as it’s just the two of us…

….I’ll be happy (even when I don’t act like it sometimes). I love you Tom.

In the end, that’s all that marriage is really about – pure and uninhibited love.