(BEWARE: THIS IS A LONG POST!) As promised in my previous Happy Hump Day! post, I spent a good chunk of the day yesterday and throughout the week pondering Ms. Kipfer’s suggested list of questions in order to find what it is that drives me. What is my passion? How do I find it? And what exactly do I want to do with it once it is found?

Unfortunately, spending the week pondering and answering a few questions is not going to miraculously produce that misplaced passion, but it does offer enough insight that makes a few contemplative hours all worthwhile…

1.  List 5 things that you want. List 5 things that you’re good at. Do you know the difference?

I realize that sometimes what I want and what I am good at are (sadly!) not one and the same. I was easily able to come up with a list of things that I wanted – it was more difficult to narrow it down to only 5!

  • Start my own business
  • Renovate/design a fixer-upper farm house
  • Become a published writing in a well-respected magazine or newspaper
  • Start a fundraising non-profit organization
  • Be an extrovert, less shy, more outgoing

Now, coming up with 5 things that I’m actually good at was incredibly challenging. As mentioned, I’m my own worst critic, and while I think I’m “ok” at many things, I find that there is very little that I am actually good at. After much hemming and hawing, this is the list that I’ve come up with:

  • events planning / organizing / hosting
  • styling and arranging tchotchkes!
  • writing – but only if it’s something I feel passionately about
  • being considerate (sometimes too much so!) of the feelings of others
  • picking up new skills (when forced to)

Yep, a pretty sparse list, eh? Perhaps this is something I should work on….

2.  What interest, passion, and/or desire are you most afraid to admit to yourself and others?

Well, if I knew exactly what my passions and desires were, I don’t think I’d be too terribly afraid to admit them! And unfortunately, if it’s something I’m afraid of admitting even to myself, a single question probably isn’t going to produce that Aha! moment. But, if I were forced to answer I’d say this:

I once thought that I would eventually want to be a stay-at-home mother. I’d have a short career in my 20’s, have a couple of little ones in my 30’s, and then devote myself entirely to my children. I do want to devote myself to my children, of course, but I now realize that this is not what I want to do entirely. I also want a career; a long, fulfilling career, and I want to be able to successfully balance this career with motherhood. So I suppose my desire would be to become a modern day superwoman!

3.  What would you do if you knew that you could not fail?

Well, there are a dozen or more things I would do if I knew I absolutely wouldn’t fail! But I decided to stay relevant in my answer: I would host a huge, national, fundraising event for my own non-profit organization (going back to what I want…). I would enlist established artists – painters, photographers, designers, etc. – have them each create a piece relevant to the cause, and I would then auction these pieces at a silent auction. In attendance would be celebrities, diplomats, and enormously successful entrepreneurs, and in the end, I would raise awareness and an absurd amount of money for an exceptional cause.

4. What would you do if money was not a concern in your life?

While not entirely relevant, I suppose I would travel for a few months, for entirely selfish reasons, then volunteer in either a small African village or at Gombe (Tanzania) Research Park for another few months, and then finally settle into a fixer upper farmhouse, spending my time renovating my home and transforming the surrounding land into an organic farm.

5. Who do you know who’s doing something that you would like to do?

Sarah Richardson from HGTV. She’s got the farmhouse and she’s got the style!

6. What’s stopping you from moving forward with exploring your passion?

Well, in the case of the fixer-upper – money! Other than that, I’d say fear of failure, of being judged, and not quite knowing what I’m fully passionate about and committing to the “wrong” thing. But isn’t that everyone’s fear?

7. What drives you, and what gives you satisfaction?

Simple – making others happy; seeing people delighted with the finished product.

8. What would you regret not having done if your life was ending?

Not living life to its fullest, which I am currently 100% NOT. I think that is the biggest realization I have gotten out of all of this. I see all the things that I want, and realize that I’ve done very little to actually get there. My fears have completely rendered my body motionless – paralysis by analysis – and I’ve just gotta get myself moving! Perhaps something to discuss further next Wednesday…

So, now that I have completely put my dreams and aspirations, fears and insecurities out there for the world to see…what are some of yours? Have you taken the time to ponder about and answer any of the above questions, and if so, what did you discover?