uncertainties of motherhood

We lose ourselves in the things we love. We find ourselves there too. – Kristin Martz

I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot lately, and I’ve struggled with putting into words my feelings as of late. You see, I have lost myself in this thing called motherhood; it brings me the greatest joy, but there also runs an undercurrent of apprehension and frustration. Life will forever be altered and I am no longer who I once was. But who have I become?

This is the question that keeps me up at night. I am a mother and a wife; these are roles that are so incredibly fulfilling in so many ways. But there is a part of me that still craves…something more. I just don’t yet know what that something is.

What I do know is that while I have lost myself in motherhood, I am also in the process of finding myself there too. No, I am not who I once was – I am something better. I created a person and that is something magical. But my priorities have changed and my focus is shifting.

What does all this mean for my blog? Well, it means that my inspirations have also shifted and I’m not yet sure in what direction I want them to go.

I do have a few grandiose ideas, just not the time to execute them. And rather than split my time between blogging and baby with neither getting the full attention necessary, I’d rather delight in my little one and give him my all. Motherhood has most definitely become an all-encompassing priority (and finding any semblance of a routine has been quite the arduous path. If anyone has any advice on getting a 3 month old to nap for longer than 35 minutes at a time, please let me know!). So, until I have the time and the proper mindset, my blog will have to take the back seat.

When I do recommence (and I have every intention to!), I hope to have a better focus, a style that is entirely my own, a few more DIY’s under my belt, and a voice that truly embraces all of the realities of motherhood: the joys, the strains, the desperate need for a shower, and the desire to instill a little bit of fashion into the new mom wardrobe.

Mainly, I hope to rediscover what I initially set out to achieve with this blog: to feel inspired. And lately, that’s exactly what has been lacking.

So for all of my readers, thank you so very much for following me. I’m sure I will lose a few of you as time lags and my focus shifts, but it was a fun ride while it lasted and I thank you for giving me the chance. And for those of you that do choose to stick it out, you are my greatest inspiration and I hope that I don’t disappoint.

I’ll be back, it’ll just take a little time to find myself again through the things I love.

ps…I will still be posting on Instagram and Facebook so feel free to follow me there in the meantime!

1/52: “To see the world in a grain of sand, to see heaven in a wildflower, hold infinity in the palm of your hands, and eternity in an hour” -William Blake

I must admit, motherhood is one of the most rewarding yet challenging roles I have ever assumed. Every day is a new experience, every hour is a new demand, and every minute is an absolute delight. There are definitely moments I doubt myself and this enormous responsibility. Many moments, in fact. Raising a child is hard. But at the end of the day, it is also immensely satisfying.

I can’t deny that I have become frustrated at times. There is very little time for myself, for my writing, for this blog, for showers, for the multitude of little things that I would like to do, but then I take one look at his face, his curious, smiling face, and realize that it really isn’t about me anymore. It’s about him, and I’m ok with that.

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I recently stumbled across this beautiful blog and immediately knew that like Jodi, and as my son grows right before my eyes, I want to capture as many treasured moments with him as possible.

2/52: I am learning to appreciate the uncertainties of motherhood, but there is one thing that I am certain of: this little guy holds my heart in his hands, for infinity and beyond.

Thus begins my own 52 Project for 2014: a memory keeping (and making!) journey that I hope to look back on year after year with love and bittersweet nostalgia.

I’ll be posting a portrait of the week every Monday and linking up with Practising Simplicity every Sunday going forward. I hope you can join me (and excuse me as I play catch up)!