Twins

Let me just start by saying: I never EVER thought twins were in my future. The thought was not even a blip on my radar. The thought wasn’t a blip on anyone’s radar – fraternal twins don’t run on either side of the family. But here I am, a genetic mutant, with b/g twins.

And I must admit, I never wanted twins. It took me many months of an ever growing belly to warm up to the idea. And only now, 9 weeks postpartum, have I accepted and grown to love the idea. But now, it’s not just an idea, it is my reality, and one that I wouldn’t trade for the world.

It isn’t easy though (and I definitely never expected it to be!). Every day I wake up and immediately remind myself that I am only one person. With the twins, I feel so guilty when I am holding one and not the other. Or when one gets more breast milk than the other (I’ve had to supplement more and more), or when both are crying when I have to tend to the toddler. Or when I have to tend to the twins and not the toddler. Or when I put the toddler in front of the TV (Daniel Tiger is my saving grace) just to get a moment of peace. The list goes on and on. But I am not Super Mom, as much as I want or try to be, and the best I can do is know that I am doing my best. So when panic creeps in as I try to prepare and sit my toddler down for lunch as the babies are screaming for their own, I have to take a deep breath and realize that I am not destroying my child’s chance at Life by allowing them to cry a little.

JUST BREATHE.

Every day is a feat and at the end of it, I feel like I have conquered the world because I have kept 3 kids and myself alive, and throughout the day we all even managed to smile more than once. The house is never quiet or clean. I am rarely showered or clean. But I always manage to get dressed, put on a little makeup, eat breakfast (lunch is still up in the air), and enjoy a sometimes semi-warm cup of coffee. And on good days (like today) I even manage to get a little work done. It’s hectic and exhausting and beautiful.

I read a blog post recently that really struck a chord with me. In fact, I cried. Because this stage of life IS hard. I mean, really, really hard. And it’s not just a twin thing, it’s a motherhood thing. We all find ourselves in the trenches at some point – many points – throughout this journey. Sometimes it’s hard not to wish away this phase or that phase (I can’t wait until they have better neck control, I can’t wait until they can hold their own bottle, I can’t wait until they start sleeping though the night, I can’t wait until they become more aware of the world, I can’t wait until they are all old enough to play together, etc. etc.). But at the same time, we have to constantly remind ourselves that this is ONLY a phase – when Life becomes so overwhelming with a laundry list of to-do’s and don’t do’s and monotonous routines and constant chaos and a bombardment of questions and demands and screams and cries and screams and cries…it’s hard to remember that this too shall pass. And when it does, you will miss it. Tremendously.

It’s the stage where your kids love you more than they are ever going to love you again, for the whole rest of your life. It’s the stage where they can fit their entire selves into your lap to snuggle…and they want to. It’s the stage where their biggest problems are ear infections and teething and stomach viruses, and you’re not having to deal yet with things like broken hearts or addiction or bullying…

So yeah, right now, in this moment, Life is hard. Like, really, really hard. But it’s also so simple and so beautiful and so right.

So to all you amazing, beautiful, hard-working, and imperfect mothers out there – you have the hardest job in the world, and you’re doing great. But when you’re having a shitty day, a shitty week, or even a shitty month, just remember that this too shall pass, and as hard as it may be to think outside of the moment, one day this moment (vomit, poopy diapers, ear-piercing shrieks, and all) will be missed. So enjoy as best you can, and HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY!!

You guys. It has been a LONG time. I know, I have been terrible but Life came at me quickly and I couldn’t quite keep my head above water. Not that I currently have my head above water, but I have so, so much to share that I just couldn’t stay away any longer!

First, if you are reading this – thank you for sticking with me. Things are about to change big time on this lil’ ole blog, and life in general, so hopefully you will stick around a little longer to see what’s happening.

Second…these guys:

Yeah, that one is a bit of a doozy – TWINS! And words I never, EVER expected to come out of my mouth. I mean, it was never a thought in my head until I saw that second little blip on the sonogram. And since then, life has been a whirlwind. We bought a new car (a minivan…), we sold a house, bought a new one, moved, and somehow decided to birth two babies somewhere along the way.

(I must mention – I would never recommend or even wish on my worst enemy moving with a toddler in tow while (very) pregnant with twins. Throw in there a husband with a broken arm and you just may find yourself in complete meltdown mode. I’m just saying, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.)

Needless to say, my life has been a bit chaotic the last few months, and I’m tired, so very tired, but it has all been worth it. During particularly trying days (and there are many…), I have to remind myself of this, but then I get to snuggle these two little bugs and realize just how lucky I am.

Anyhow, I’ve also been focusing on the design business as much as possible in what free time I do have. I am still hashing out some e-designs and in other big news, I have picked up a local project designing a salt spa soon to open on the Downtown Mall here in Charlottesville, VA. Once their website goes live, I’ll definitely get into more detail, but I can’t wait to share more with you! So business has been going really, really well and I can only hope to maintain some kind of reasonable pace – not an easy feat with 3 kids under 3…

So in a nutshell, that’s life lately!

Despite the craziness that is and will be my life for a long time, I hope to bring some of that craziness to the blog and plan to post much more frequently. How frequently? To be honest, I’m not quite sure yet. With the arrival of the twins, I’m not sure what to expect (I’ve set my expectations pretty low, actually), but I know in order to keep my sanity, I will need an outlet and I would like that outlet to be here, in this space, with you. So bare with while I find my footing and stay tuned for a lot of design, a bit of baby talk, some fashion and fitness chatter (as I try to find my way back to fitting into my clothes!), and general lifestyle meanderings.

And again, thanks for checking in!